Carmen releases an excerpt from her new book, A Hip-Hop Helen of Troy Tells All. I have my own opinions of what I think about her, but in order to keep a neutrality to both sides I will let you be your own judge on what you think about her. Speak on it.
EXCERPT FROM A Hip-Hop Helen of Troy Tells All:
Carm, is he talking about you?”
Nas’s insistent voice penetrated the fog in my head. I must have picked up the ringing telephone in my sleep. Had it awakened our daughter, Destiny, too?
“What?” My bedside clock read midnight. It was 3 A.M. for Nas in New York. Uh-oh. Whatever prompted this call was troubling enough to keep him awake.
“I keep hearing about this Memphis Bleek song with Jay-Z. It’s supposed to be about you.”
The song was news to me, but at the mention of Shawn’s name my heart sank down to my stomach, which tightened into knots. I sat up in bed and tossed aside the silk comforter. With the movement the diamond on my left hand caught a silvery ray of moonlight. I took a deep breath and calmed down. Nas and I were finally getting married. This was no time to panic.
“What song?” I asked, as neutrally as possible.
”’Is That Your Chick.’ Carm, it’s getting harder and harder for me to ignore the rumors about you and this dude—“
“They are just rumors, Nas.” I put on what I hoped was a persuasively reasonable tone. “People talk. I put up with rumors about who you’re supposed to be with all the time. Foxy, Beyoncè, Mary J. Every week they’re saying it’s someone new. You’re just going to have to charge it to the game like I do.”
Nas was silent. I could almost hear him balancing it out in his mind. On one side, there was my comforting explanation. A big part of him wanted to believe it. On the other hand, there was the growing weight of his suspicion. Nas wasn’t exactly buying my little speech, but he let things drop for the moment. We hung up and I lunged for the bathroom, where I was sick.
Nas was very competitive in that he had two part-time jobs: he spent half his time talking up himself and the other half talking down others. In public, Nas tended to be more low-key and aloof than other entertainers. But at home, he was extremely opinionated and vocal about his peers’ artistic efforts. Even if he was cool with someone personally, Nas always had a raw comment about their music. For example: in my opinion, Foxy Brown is the most talented female MC. Most will agree Foxy wears the crown, hands down. Not Nas. “You could just throw a few ingredients in a bowl, stir, and come up with another Foxy,” he would rant. He had criticism of just about anyone. He would say Ja Rule was biting DMX’s style, or Fat Joe was corny. These reviews always led up to the same point: “There is no real talent out there.” The only lyricist Nas considered to be in his league was the late B.I.G. Nas’s battle with Jay-Z was as much one of words as of the heart. I’d started seeing Jay finally doing to Nas what he’d been doing to me for years.
“Carm, this nigga Jay is so shallow,” Nas would say. “He’s a surface MC. He’s plastic on stage. That’s bad enough. But he doesn’t even know what he’s talking about. He hasn’t done half the shit he’s talking about in his rhymes. I don’t believe him. Period.”
Still, I couldn’t imagine what might have motivated this “Is That Your Chick” song. Naturally Shawn would appear on Memphis Bleek’s single—a fellow artist on the Roc-A-Fella label. And the song certainly could have something to do with me. Throughout our clandestine relationship Shawn had made many references to me in his lyrics. But he had never said anything negative or explicit and had never used his relationship with me to taunt Nas.
This was turning into an urban soap opera with me in a leading role as the femme fatale. I had to hear this Memphis Bleek song. After a few calls to friends in New York, I found someone to play the song for me over the phone. It went “How foul is she? And you wifed her” and talked about how he put the condom on “tighter.”
At first I thought, Psss . . . I don’t know who Shawn’s referring to, but he damn sure ain’t talking about me! The lyrics were rather racy and described a type of liaison that was the exact opposite of our relationship.
Shawn’s disparaging lyrics gave no indication of the solid friendship we’d shared over the years. Not to mention the fact that it took a good year before we even became lovers or that I had recently been pregnant by him—‘cause he didn’t wear a condom at all, let alone tight enough.
After listening to the song, it was evident that the record was designed to take a direct stab at Nas, making me a casualty of this ongoing and highly publicized strife.
I tried to put things in perspective and take it like a hard-nosed realist, but I couldn’t feign callousness. Shawn’s actions were a complete disappointment. Instead of being hurt, I was enraged. I knew what I had to do before this thing went any further. I had to bring Nas up to speed. It was time to reveal the truth, once and for all.
Throughout the next day, Nas gathered evidence that the song referred to me. That night he called back for another round of questions. As I quietly deflected them, I walked by Destiny’s room to make sure she was asleep, then headed downstairs. I walked down the stairs with the cordless phone to my ear, my forehead breaking out into a sweat. My heart was racing, my breathing became heavy and my stomach was in knots. I even said a quick little prayer and turned off all the lights as if darkness provided an escape.
After some anxious pacing between the bathroom and kitchen, I ended up in front of my bathroom mirror, in darkness. My reflection was a vague silhouette, just barely visible. I was so tired of misrepresenting myself, of sneaking out, of lying and denying the truth. Of course, Nas had long done the same thing. It had been a rough and rocky nine years for us. But for all our drama, we were inextricably linked—we had a daughter and deep, deep history together. I couldn’t let Shawn belittle Nas as a man. Nas deserved to have a fighting chance.
“Nas, it’s true.” My words tumbled out. “The rumors are true. I have been seeing Jay-Z.”
“Carm, how could you?” Nas asked in disbelief. “Why that nigga? I can’t believe what you’re telling me right now.”
“Nas, I’m sorry.” I choked out my apology as I started to cry. “I am so sorry.” I had always thought that when this day finally came I would feel vindicated. For so long I had craved the taste of bittersweet revenge. Nas would finally feel what I had felt over the years. But this was completely different. I felt horrible, not for my actions, but because I had hurt Nas and he was suffering from tremendous heartache. It just wasn’t what I’d envisioned.
Nas was unmoved by my sobbing regret. He wanted details. “How long have you been fucking with this dude?”
“It’s been a minute,” I answered. Even though I’d resolved to tell him everything, it took a while to get my courage up.
“How long is a minute, Carm?”
“Like five years.”
“Five years! Five years, Carm? What the fuck is wrong with you? What were you thinking? You mean all this time I been hearing rumors about you and this nigga, brushing them off like, ‘Nah, not Carm. She may do her thing but she would never disrespect me like that. . . . Where did you meet this nigga at?”
“We met at a club in the city. It started as a friendship. Was for a year before we slept together.”
Nas sucked his teeth. “I don’t give a fuck if it took you ten years to sleep with him. You’re supposed to be my wife, that shit wasn’t supposed to happen, Carm! I don’t deserve this. I want to know everything! You ever been to his crib?”
“Yes.”
“You ever been to a hotel with him?”
“No. We always hang out at his crib.”
“Did you ever take my car to go see this nigga?” I thought to myself, What kind of question is that? But I continued to answer.
“Uh huh.”
These intimate details would give Nas enough material to spin some elaborately jealous story lines in his mind. Still, I had to answer the questions to prevent his imagination from getting the best of him. He would drive himself crazy with speculation if he didn’t have this chance to grill me.
“Does he hold you at night?”
“Yes.”
He hesitated. I realized what he really wanted to ask. Guys may feign disinterest about the matter, but they’re all anxious to know: Is he bigger than me? For the moment Nas avoided the size question.
“Did you go down on him?” he asked.
“Once.”
“Once, I don’t believe that! You’re such a fucking slut! I can’t believe you sucked that nigga’s d*ck, Carm. Come on, you’re gonna tell me you only did it once. You’re such a fucking liar.”
“It’s true. You can ask him.”
“What? Ask him? Carm, I’m gonna kill that nigga! I fucking hate you!”
Nas hung up on me. I called back. He just kept screaming through his extensive vocabulary of derogative terms: I was a slut, a whore, a dirty bitch and more. He hung up, but then immediately called back, hoping to find some release in another diatribe. It had the opposite effect: Ranting only sustained his sense of violation, kept his feelings raw. We went back and forth with a few more rounds of confession and condemnation until he finally stopped answering the phone. Nas was done with me for the night. Maybe forever.
I turned on the bathroom light and looked in the mirror, still crying. Tears seemed to be washing away my features, making an anonymous mask of my face. So I had finally confessed to Nas. I looked at myself a little more closely. It was time for me to get real with myself.
I was crying tears of frustration. Shawn had stripped me of the opportunity to divulge our relationship in my own private way. I was mortified that Nas found out in such a public manner. But that’s the way it goes down in a love triangle, the unholiest of trinities.
I stared in the mirror until I finally stopped crying, then washed away the residue of my tears. Facing the truth gave me a new clarity. Self-realization smoothed my forehead and conviction strengthened my jaw. I was naïve enough to believe the uncovering of my affair with Jay-Z would bring closure to my relationship with Nas. I was ready for it to end.
But it wasn’t the end. In fact, it was only the beginning.
Deemehlow@Defsounds.com
COMMENTS
Damn, that's fucked up. She's acting like she's the victim and shit too
shit like this is exactly why "bitches aint shit but hos and tricks." nas should cock slap that ho
I dont feel bad for her
Fuck that skivy sucia. Typical bitch shit. The only difference between her and some hooker on the street is the fact that she's sellin her sex with a book.
dirty ass bitch cheated on her husband for five years and now she trying to make money off a book cuz ppl wanna know bout nas and jay dont no body give a fuck about her ass
saying jay didnt use a rubber with me and i was once pergnant by him she prolly think thats gone get jay to pay her not to say it she jus like video vixen Trash super head
eh at least he has Kelis now
this the type of chicks that deserve to be murdered and shit
HA...what a slut... nas go kill that triflein bitch
Yo dat shit is fucked up young fuck dem stupis ass bitches like her nigga get ya money my nigga nas should kill dat bitch i kno da fuck i would Fuck her
To all the young players...
never trust these hoes... NEVER!
Women like this give the rest of us a bad name. Trying to make money off a book that she says tells all about Nas & Jay is the lowest of low. Doesn't she know she's going to piss off Kelis and Beyonce with this shit, what if they decide to defend their men?
Never trust a bitch. She had on his engagment ring on and still fucked his worst enemy.
that's what happens when u aint doing your job 100% in the house, your female tend to look for the attention somewhere else, if he was doing his thing then he wouldn't be going through all this. she could have gave it to any nigga, but they aint worth it, she's fucking a millionaire, so she aint going to just give to any nigga, jigga man had that sgaw, and that bread so hey, he's fucking another rnb singer, y not jump on that dick and see what she's getting. If u have something females come that's how it's been and always goign to be
Damn only thing i can say is that Jay-Z, Nas, Dipset, and otha countless niggas have prolly skeeted on that hoes Face!!! I hope she reads this to...She a Whore, A Skeeza, a 6ustdown, a Skee-O, a 6opper, a Hoe-Skeet!!!
This chick is a real bird.. She claim JAy and Nas put her name out there, so that's why she writting this book.She's Evil; she did NAS dirty by messing with Jay and now she trying to kill NAS character completely by putting all this dirty crazy shit she claim NAS said about other rappers. She's a Bird and she's a hurt chick. Nas must of shattered her heart cause it's so transparent.
What a dirty ass lil slut! She put her own name out there.
SHEEEEEEE'S A HOE!!!!!!
Hey Carmen! I would like to give you your props because most women cant come out a discuss what type of female they are. What I dont understand is why would you want to make a book about who you than fuck, that's dont leave any respect for you, I know people say they can care less what people think but lets be real. Yea you fuck Jay, and yea you fuck Nas, we all knew that because of the song, but why would you put the rest of your business out there, like beyonce song say partner Let Me upgrade you. I"m not gone call you a hoe, because there females who did way more shyt than what you than did, but respect yourself, your body supose to be a temple, and any nigga should'nt be able to get it, let alone approach, a niggas money aint shyt when you dont have your own .
HA THATS WHAT U GET NAS FOR LOVIN A HOES
Damn Id fuck her for that suckin that nigga dick and then kiss nas wow. I know if my babymama did that to me she be fucked up. Nine years she only stayed true for only 4 years damn she a fuckin bitch
Yo thats some GRIMEY ass shit right there.. Fuck Bitches Get Money.. Damn man I feel bad for Nas.. He has money but feelings are feelings regardless of how much you make... Wow she sucked Jay off then Kissed this nigga.. Thats a dirty bitch right there.. damn..
I'd have that bitch-slut's head on a pole. But you see, this is one of the main reasons us guys are "dogs" to these females. Because truth be told, you Cannot Trust These Broads. When every male in your life tells you the same thing you've got to believe it. Fuck bitches. Get Money. (Did I just quote wayne? Yuck) Let me rephrase that, "Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks" that's better.
whoozthaboss.... You must be white talking bout heads on a pole dont no1 do that shit dawg calm down. 100!!!
Fuck Bitches Get Money
...yeah... im white.... Riiiiiiiight. www.myspace.com/whoozthaboss.
See my man jigga obviously lives them lyrics cuase everything he said in super ugly about her came to be true in time.....she confessed it and if you go listen to super ugly after readin this article you'll notice shit.......and Klown Prince you got the first part of ya name right.....you really should hop of my man dick...S.O.E Bitches!!!!!!!
lol jay said back in the day "wateva jigga say jigga probably do"
das fucked up tho lol....now i can say he did kill nas on super ugly cuz all dat shit was tru
I got alot of respect for women! i admire the beauty of women in many wayz!!!
but this is the type of woman that i can call a bitch without feeling guilty!!!!
She is trying to humiliate NAS furthermore and not only that but she is trying to make it seem it is everybody else's fault!!!! I am curious as to what type of ridiculous shit this woman wrote but i aint copping dat bullshit cuz NAS IS STILL DA KING OF NY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she hoe
MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A HELLA OF A STORY!!!!!
Shes A GUNTHA!.....
MAN I FEEL BAD FOR NAS. BUT HONESTLY THAT GIVES ME MORE RESPECT FOR HIM. I KNOW A SITUATION LIKE THIS CAN ONLY BUILD A MAN'S CHARACTOR. THESE TYPE OF SITUATIONS IS WHAT ALLOWS HIM TO KICK THE KNOWLEDGE AND INSIGHT HOW HE DOES TO US. THIS HAPPENS TO ALL OF US ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, ITS JUST A QUESTION OF WHO FINDS OUT OR NOT.
It's foul how he found out but the good thing is that he didn't marry that hoe.
And now that she put herself out there like that, nobody will.
U see both them hands are bare now.
She can talk shit if she want to but she didn't want revenge. She thought she was slick and got popped off. And now them niggas is cool.
It ain't no fun if the homies can have none. And if u lickn, that's W ballz.
fucking hoe.....its amazing how she tries to make herself look like the victim here.
This bitch tryna be like Supa Head haha........
Ima female so I kinda see where she comin 4rm. Nas hurt her & cheated so she wanted to get back.... But that aint da way 2 do it. She was posed 2 take da kid & leave his ass!!!! She made herself look like a nasty slut!
this bitch is nasty as hell for one why would oyu put you business out there like that for two nas is sexi as hell if you going to cheat on him a least do it with somebody that is sexi as hell not with no ugly ass nigga like jay z i mean you just double disrespected him (A) because da nigga ugly and you could have picked someone else (B) because that nigga and nas was beefing. dats stupid as hell. bitches these days are just so fucking nasty for no fucking reason.
THAT'S A LOW DOWN BITCH FOR YOU. NOTE: ITS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LADY & A BITCH. NAS DONE RIGHT BY LEAVING HER ASS & MOVING ON.
I know I might be late and all but do anybody really give a fuck about Nas baby mother, Jay, A.I, Nas and probaly everybody else done fucked this girl. You never take a hoe's word.Shorty to me is just tryna get some publicity and attention.Stick to being a hoe.
SHE A HOE SHE PROABLY FUCKED EVERY RAPPER
S.4.G KISSING YA DADDY IS KILLING LIL WAYNE ON YOUTUBE
AY NAS...I FUCKED HER 2;;LOL
me to bro bro and they were velvet
i think cam sucks anymore but he said it best- because girls are whores
Damn, not my man Nas. Dirty-ass ho...
But at least its out that Jay is actually a lier. Good. I always thought he was corny too, one of the corniest...
dis bitch is a whore
LMAO WELL NAS IT COULD HAVE BEEN SOMEONE ELSE BUT ATLEAST ITZ THE RICHEST RESPECTED RAPPER
If she is truly sorry for what she did, then she should repent openly and publically and recall her book and so should everyone involve. The Word of God says repent and turn from your wicked ways. ANd women should be discrete and chaste, not in decent by publicising all of there buisness. This is why Jesus Died on the Cross if you are truly sorry for these types of actions that definately will not get you into the kindom of Heaven... I don't even know why rappers thank God for getting emmys and grammies because they are praising the wrong God the God of the Air....Lucifer the devil anyway.......they should really examine the bible and themselves for that matter to see what God says about their lyrics and their actions...and see if they are pleasing the God that they are thanking every night
Wow.. Nas' baby mom dissed him like dat wit a weaker rapper.. she need ta be crucified! Dirrrty dirrty bitch.. i hate hoes of that sort and the like. Ya dig..?
This Bitch Is Lyin.......... She Real Dramatic "With the movement the diamond on my left hand caught a silvery ray of moonlight" Are You Serious Who the Fuck Talk Like That silvery ray of moonlight she tryin to play chess but instead she playin checkers because nobody give a fuck about her As The World Turns And Guiding Light Soap Opera Life.
I feel that a cheating bitch deserved death -- a horrifyinf one -- the kind of death that you cant bring cameras to -- that is supremely fucked up and i just lost alot more respect for bitches as a whole
Super Head Jr.
ripper yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
you lay with bitches you come up with fleas...
is this bitch serious... damn thats her daughter's father and she's puttin him out there like that? way to bring old shit up carmen, apparently that was the last real thing that happened in your life and this was how long ago? dumb ass selfish bitch...
At the end of the day, we as humans all have means and ways to make ourselves survive and feel better but when your in the position of being a parent and/or in a relationship tied with a child, your needs tend to "slim" as your main concern is for your child and or primary responsibility.from what i gather, this thing or person is not silly or naive so even if her motive is wanted to feel loved and or revenge for his infedelities (sorry for incorrect spelling),why would you want to put yourself in relationships with people who is in that light to expose people?A true artist can only tell what he or she feels and thats what painters and musicians do so in conclusion to that, it was evident that this type of affair would surface. for a hip-hop artist as well it was too much of a juicy thing to pass up given that the person he was attacking in lyrics was his competition?She did not care for her daughter or her daughters future by doing what she did because they were selfish motivations.
Fuckin golddigger...Fuck her and JIgga nas is my boy.....
CANT MAKE A HOE A HOUSE WIFE. U CAN MAKE A HOUSE WIFE A HOE THO. SHE A HOE IN THA RAWEST FORM FOR TRYNA SHIT ON G O D S SON LIKE THAT. SLEEPIN WIT THA ENEMY IS JUST AS BAD AS SLEEPING WITH A CLOSE FRIEND
It is what it is some bitches aint shit. I dont trust them thats why I keep more than one at all times!!!
id merk that hoe
Fuck ds----ya'all got to learn a lesson from dis--FUCK BITCHES-GET MONEY!
Fuck Hova-he is a snitch by nature! Fuck you hova! yuz an asshole! If someone ever puts bullet holes in your head-pre-inform the investigator-LOKK FOR ME!!!!!!!!!1
i cant believe this bitch wants pitty and all she wants now is a pay check. Nas deserves way better than that. nas's daughter deserves better than that. i feel bad for her. she's the one that got a whore for a role model. this bitch aint nothin more than a lil superhead. i give nas all the credit in the world for not fuckin her and hov up. i kno if that was me... both of them woulda got poped. 10 years and she was fuckin on him for 5, but its all good in the end kelis is by far better than this hoe.
Who gives a damn about what she has to say? That shit is mad ancient and it's prolly fabricated too. She didn't start the actual beef, she was just another jump-off for Jay and a dumb broad for Nas. She just mad cuz they both have girls that look better than her. She just lookin for some attention.
First off, what she on is so bogus and sloppy seconds especially since superhead already did this. But the truth of the matter is that I really feel that females have the game fucked up. Its certain shit that female should hold to a higher standard. I know niggas have and do shit thats fucked up when it comes to females. We brag about it and the whole 9. But I female should never fuck yo friend or yo enemy. And not get pregnant by somebody else. Thats pretty much the rule for guys. And from this excerpt she has done all. I really feel that females have gotten on nigga shit but have fucked the game up while doing so. It just certain shit your not suppose to do no matter what. While niggas may do their dirt I don't feel its like what females are doing in the '07 and beyond. Its like they reckless with the game now. They doing it more bogus than niggas would do it. You would think and hope that if anybody has sense in a relationship it would be the female. But it seems they have something to prove because niggas have being doin it for so long. Its like they over doing it. I'm a Jay fan but to put yo baby daddy on blast like that has no merit. And I mean to write a book. I mean u fucking wit yo guy's enemy is bad enough but to do the book thing is absurd. And all for a dollar is even more selfish and low down. Especially when your daughter will eventually read this book and see how her mom really was. Well thats why cats got the rule MOB. And Jay and Nas gettin that money now so it is what it is.
Listen you fuckin dumbasses who try to tell people not to download music... i'll download all the shit I want and still pay for it, fuckers. Get real stick with your fucin cd's i got my Mp3 players fuckin jealous ass bitches. Hop off it
man all this shit do is make me look at 1 of the illest niggas to touch a mic like bitch. ain't no way in this hell or no other hell I sign wit Jay-Z after the dust settle. First my baby mama was under u now I'm under you? You can fuck her all u want but not me hell naw not me.
i hope that bitch die slow
Real Fucking slow